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How to Stop Fighting in a Relationship 2020

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Do you always fight in your relationship? Stay till the really end, we’re going to convey three tips on how to stop fighting in your relationship.  Now we used to fight a lot but we don’t do that anymore. I think it’s also that we learned how to communicate better. I think that sometimes friends come to me and say, how do you and husband work so well together? We fight now maybe once a year?  For like one hour. Yeah, we fight once a year for like and not really fight. It’s just oh, okay let’s just calm down and then yes, that’s it. And I think the reason we are able to do that, just because of the work that I do and being a mentor to so many people that I understand human psychology and I have a deep understanding of human communication and through that I also think we communicate and I also taught you and transferred those skills to you. So we are both very good communicators to each other. I think for reason number one is, sometimes people have conflicts in relationship is not really the reason they are fighting, by that I mean they are fighting about certain things, oh, how come you didn’t pick up the kids? How come you didn’t do that? I wanted to go do this and you don’t want to do that. Whatever the incident is, it’s not really the cause of the fight. It’s usually something deeper. But you let it accumulate for so long and then suddenly, you know how sometimes when you fight, you talk about, remember six months ago? Remember a year ago? Remember five years ago? Remember when we got married, you didn’t propose?  Yeah, and all this and you did that and you said that, that hurt me! Well, like that was five years ago, I didn’t remember. No, but you hurt me so deeply. And you did this to me. All this stuff. So whatever the fight is, it’s just a trigger, so if you think about it. I think the very first tip I have for you,

 

 

How to stop fighting in a relationship or even resolves some conflicts in a marriage is do not let things accumulate. If you have something you want to say, say it. Sometimes I think for a woman, something happens that you kind of bottle it up and you wait and wait, and you say, you know what, I’m going to wait. And then suddenly when you explode. Three months later, the man is like what are you talking about? Remember that time you got me flowers? I didn’t like roses,  I like some other flowers. Well, why didn’t you tell me? you should have known! You should have read my mind. Trust me, ladies, a man cannot read your mind. They are not psychic. They are not that smart. That’s why it’s Alpha Man Smart Woman. You got to tell us exactly what’s, if you tell him that day, I don’t like roses, guess what? Next time they won’t get roses. You’ll get something else. Tell your husband, he’ll get yellow roses. It is that type of thing. Don’t let it accumulate. Same goes to men. If there’s something that you want to say, just say it right there. But of course, not in a fighting kind of tone. But you communicate, you know what, honey? This doesn’t work for me. Or this, I don’t like the way you talk to me about this. It makes me feel this way. It’s that kind of communication, and also, why you want to address just instantly on the spot is because, If you don’t address it, it will happen again. And the first time you think, okay, well maybe he didn’t pay attention. Second time, how come he’s still doing that? The third time, you start questioning your relationship. Are you actually truly in love or not? And you are thinking taking it way far beyond. It’s actually just very tiny problems. So what we’re saying is, let’s say, maybe sometimes Anthony is super busy. We will have dinner appointment or dinner something, special date, but then he forgot. Most of the time like for a woman will be very disappointed and then they will take it so personally. But then for me, I was like, hey baby, I know you are busy but then you did know you forgot about our dinner date and then he goes, oh yeah, I feel so bad baby. Let me do something else.

 

It’s like the way you’re saying it also, but also tell the other half, tell the man, because they will not remember trust me, they just don’t. But then teach them how to remember and then also, remind them before this happens, you know it’s such a special day. Hey baby, we have a dinner tonight, don’t be late. Come back home. Also remind them one more time so this kind of thing will never happen and sometimes men, again, in this kind of scenario, men sometimes feel linear. It’s just the way they kind of think like one track. And that’s why most men cannot multitask.  They think like this. So it’s not so much. But women sometimes, you like to think of stories, you exaggerate. At first, so let’s say I forgot a dinner. Oh you forgot, you know? You’re not the same as before. You don’t love me.  And then you don’t love me no more. And then, oh what happened? You don’t respect me.  You’re not the same guy I’m married to. And then now you’re thinking, are you with somebody else? Are you cheating behind my back? Oh my God, you must be sleeping with somebody. How do you know? How do you know that’s how we think? Oh my God! Next month, oh he’s going to ask me for a divorce.  Then you check his cell phone. Oh my god, he might have two kids outside of the home. There’s a lipstick stain here! Oh my god, what happened?  It’s this entire thing.  What is going on?  It is not true! Men just forgot! That’s it, they forgot! So remind your husband.

 

But that’s kind of our relationship. We kind of have fun with it, the first thing comes to mind, I didn’t blame her, and he didn’t blame me. The first thing is, okay, what should we do? Should we pull over and maybe call the tow company? Or maybe I know that we’re already pretty close to the city, can we at least drive another five minutes to go to a repair shop? So we look at each other and say, you know what? We hear the tires, but I think it will still be okay, something like that. So we drove to the repair shop, we got there, it was closed, again, we didn’t fight, we didn’t complain. Oh, I told you, don’t go this repair shop! I should have done that. Maybe you should have stayed there. Okay, now we’re stuck.  We can’t park the Bentley here. It’s not a safe neighborhood, all this stuff. We could argue, we did not have a single argument.  We were thinking maybe we should park the car in that repair shop. And then instantly I was like, you wait in the car, I walk for another give minutes to go to another repair shop, make sure they’re open, but when I get there the gate was already closed. But I was knocking on the gate and luckily, there was somebody there but said, although we’re closed. But I was like can we park the car here tonight because we cannot drive it, and then maybe tomorrow morning we’ll come. There’s like a locked gate, it’s safe.  So we parked the car.  We’ll come early and we can start repairing. And then that’s how we solved it. And then I call Angela, my best friend, my executive director. She came and picks us up, we still go to dinner, still have a good time and a good meeting. So there was no argument, there was nothing. And then next morning, right, we go and we talk to the repair shop, they order the tires. Couples of days it was fixed. So I wrote a big check, like a few thousand dollars. We fixed that, but there was no argument.

 

And so tip number two, if you’re fighting all the time is, don’t focus on emotions, focus on the solution as a couple. Cause it’s easy to have these high and lows and all these emotions, ’cause there are plenty of opportunities for us to fight in that incident. I could blame on him and say, hey, because of you pointing me directions, which just cost me thousands of dollars. What, is that what you were thinking? Or he could have blamed on me, well, if you were a better driver, it wouldn’t have happened. You’re a lousy driver! And then as a man, what do you mean I’m a lousy driver? That hurts my self-esteem. You don’t love me no more. And all these stuff.

 

No! Focus on the solutions as a couple. So that’s how we communicate. Something happens, we don’t fight, we don’t argue. Okay, let’s focus on solving this problem. It’s inconvenient, we didn’t like it, but it happened. We just solved the problem. So that’s the second big tip. Don’t focus on emotions; focus on solution as a couple. But here’s the thing, after we solved it as a couple, we learned a lesson. Next time, we won’t go through that way anymore. Next time, we drive a little bit more careful. Every time, actually, we joke about it. Now every time we pass by the section, it’s like, there’s a damn hole, that’s a $10 K ditch hole. It cost us. And we tell our friends about it, make sure, there’s a ditch hole, every time. But seriously we learned our lesson, right? That’s tip number two.

 

 

Tip number three would be, don’t try to talk to each other, and try to write things down.  And here’s what I mean. This is for you if you’re a couple that you’re fighting constantly. You’re always fighting and you don’t know why. It’s very easy for you to trigger your partner or your spouse. You don’t even know why. You love them, they love you, but somehow they do tiny little things and you just get pissed off for no reason. They say something, it triggers you.  When that happens a lot, knowing it could be your personality type. We don’t have the time to go into that. But in the next article, I might go into the different personality types and how you communicate with them. But for now, understand that the personality type that you have, maybe both of you have, tend to be like that.

So when you know it’s easy when you talk, because you don’t filter it out, and knowing that sometimes your partner and you, there are certain things that you shouldn’t say. And you got to communicate that. You talk about an issue but maybe, your partner would have certain things that if you say to her, it would hurt her like very deeply. As a man, visa versa. You just communicate that. Maybe put it on a piece of paper. Baby, we can argue however we want, we just don’t go there. Like example, we’re not going to talk about divorce. Like some couples are, you know what? You don’t like it, you can divorce me. They like to use it. Or like a boyfriend, girlfriend. You know what, let’s breakup. They breakup every single week, that is not a good thing. Or you attack certain things where, you attack their family. You’re just like your mom!  Suddenly, it triggers it, no! Knowing you doesn’t go there. You just don’t go there. That’s the bomb, that’s the explosion. You just don’t go there. It’s a landmine. You don’t go there. And when you communicate that, it’s good. But when you take the time, if you argue a lot, take the time and say hey, don’t talk its okay. It’s like a cool down period, and you write. The thing about is, you know right now, people have so many stimulations, cell phones, TVs. They’re on their cell phone constantly. They don’t really talk to their spouse or partners, look through their eyes. You know, like a truly honest communicates, people don’t do that anymore. Because of that, you sometimes say things without going through your brain. So you say things very hurtfully without knowing it. Damn, it was too late, you already said that. So the thing about this is, try to give you a period of time, let’s say 24 hours. Try not to talk to each other because when you’re constantly fighting, the talking becomes a weapon, become a knife. It will hurt each other.  It is a verbal weapon. So try to do that. And then whatever you want to say, try to write down on a whiteboard or a piece of paper because when you are writing down, your brain is going through the words and then you will filter them out.

Some of the things you know, you shouldn’t be able to say that. Imagine this is your husband or this is your wife, you wouldn’t even say those kinds of things to a stranger. But you will say that to your husband or wife, you shouldn’t do that, which they’re the one, the closest and love you the most.  So give yourself a little bit time. Try to filter those words and try to communicate effectively but not hurting each other. And I think also, knows your partner’s, I call that kind of the instant cure. You know, like I know him. If anything, we argue, and he told me this. If we are fighting, we’re arguing, just a few many years ago, he said if we’re fighting, just come and hug me and don’t say anything. You’ll be fine. Doesn’t matter what we’re saying, just come hug me, we’ll be fine. That’s right, so I learned the technique. If there’s fighting, it’s like, let’s hug. And then that’s it. If there’s something, I think like for you, if you just say it in a soft kind of way. I was like, honey do you want to drink some honey green tea? That was it. It doesn’t matter. See how simple man is. Some food, some drink. Hey honey, you want to drink a beer? Oh sure.  That’s it. Problem solved.

When you’re fighting just say oh, you want to drink some beer? Problem solved, I’m serious, it’s like a pattern to rub, and you just interpret the pattern. Then just drink some beer. Why are we fighting over this, and it’s funny, we’ll try to portray people, how people fight. It sounds so funny to me. I hope you feel the same way because when you are fighting, you didn’t realize how crazy that was. But when you see we were trying to do that, you know, that was really wasting our time. And keep in mind, what I was talking about, I think now we’re so plugged into technology that you can see couples, very common, where like before they’ll go to bed, husband is on the phone, playing with the cell phone. The wife is on the Tablet phone doing that. There’s not enough intimacy and communication. I’m not just talking about physical intimacy. I’m talking about connection. Because when was the last time you actually looked very deeply into your partners eyes and say nothing and you just connect? Not four, five seconds, not for 10 seconds, but for five minutes? Just like this, you just connect. You are speaking through your soul, connecting with them. When was the last time you did something like that as a couple? If you haven’t done in a while, I would say go do that. You’ll see that’s a very powerful, powerful exercise. And I mean connecting with no distractions, nothing thinking about other things, not looking away, you just connect. And sometimes you’ll notice it takes a while to make that connections because you haven’t done it in a long time, let’s face it.  And it’s tough, with no distraction, and you’re trying to communicate the love, the emotion. I love you; I care about you, without saying a single word. Not text, not smiley face. We don’t do enough of this deep communication and that’s the problem. But when you do that, something magic happens, especially for ladies, yes that melts her heart. That is like wow, I’ve chosen the right man and that’s what we’re talking about.

 

So those are some of the tips on how you can stop fighting in a relationship. And if we solve some of these conflicts in your marriage or maybe in your relationship, comment below. Let us know how these techniques and strategies work for you. We love doing this and we’ve been getting a lot of comments from you.  Thank you for your support and we never thought about, but this is a different aspect of our life that maybe will add value to your life and your relationship because it doesn’t matter how successful you are, it doesn’t matter how powerful you are, or how much money you make, your relationship not working? Your life is not working. And if your life is not working, relationship not working, guess what? Your business will not work, that’s 100%. Until then, always remember, behind every successful man there is a, smarter woman.

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